Jessica and Adam – August 19, 2012

Today we revisit a topic last discussed almost 6 months ago, the Bencher.

While yesterday’s visit with Andrew was a piece of cake, we talked briefly about the Bencher. Quite appropriately, as well, since Jessica and I have been discussing this among ourselves lately too.  The Bencher is a small book, about the size of your palm, that can contain songs and blessings. These are commonly found at Jewish simcha‘s, personalized for the occasion, for use at the event and for guests to take home and use.

For us, the Bencher holds three purposes.

1) We want it to have the Sheva Brachot, the 7 blessings sung to a newly-wed bride and groom, for use at the reception following our wedding.  Almost all Benchers satisfy this requirement.

2) Because Jessica and I both went to Jewish camps where we learned tunes to the Birkat HaMazon (grace after meals) we want a Bencher that uses the traditional text of the blessings.  So many of the ones we have evaluated tried to “modernize” the text with the unfortunate effect of disturbing the flow of the traditional prayers we know so well.

3) When Jessica and I have our own home as husband and wife, we anticipate Shabbat and Holiday dinners where we can pull out a stack of these Benchers for before and after the meal.  A souvenir of our wedding, the joy of the day will linger every time we use the Bencher.

Andrew, who has seen his fair share of Jewish celebrations and has more Benchers than he knows what to do with, brought up an interesting point: when in the evening are we going to actually use our carefully-selected and personalized Bencher?  At so many weddings he has attended they sit untouched on the tables and guests leave without even taking one (or even know they were for them to take!).  When not forgotten, at some weddings, Birkat HaMazon and Sheva Brachot are sung at the end of the evening when many guests may have already left.  I wonder if we can include this important Jewish tradition (which is the last Jewish tradition we would include for the evening) after dessert when the band takes it break, rather than waiting until the very end of the night.

After all, we are not making our decision of Bencher lightly.  We had previously thought about using the new Bencher L’Chu N’Ran’nah (Let Us Sing) but after carefully reading through the Birkat HaMazon the text had significant “modernization” deviations that were too distracting.  Since we want any Bencher used at our wedding to be one we would enjoy using in our new home, we are now focused on the Second Edition of B’Kol Echad, a revised edition of the “little blue Bencher” by USY. We went to Kolbo last Sunday and purchased a sample copy for us to review.  We found that the text of the new B’Kol Echad very closely follows what Jessica and I are so familiar with and it is comprehensive enough to use throughout the year. It will be perfect.

While the new edition of B’Kol Echad may not be compatible (page-wise) with the 1st Edition and may not have the beautiful layout found in L’Chu N’Ran’nah, I think it will be perfect for us, because it will be “our” Bencher.

Now I’d like to harness the power of this blog. Visitors, guests, and everyone: what do you think? What did you consider important when you decided on Benchers?  What Bencher did you want, and what did you end up using?  And more importantly, what’s the right number to order?